HAN SOLO
There’s a reason why kids on playgrounds everywhere fought over who “gets to be Han” and who “has to be Luke.” He’s the space pirate with the fastest ship, the slyest smile, the fuzziest co-pilot and he always shoots first (no matter what the Special Edition films say).
After fighting his way through a tough bracket — besting Obi-Wan, Leia and Luke along the way — Han Solo emerges victorious with 55 percent of the vote. He didn’t come into this fight as the favorite, but he came out your favorite.
FINAL LOSER:
NOOOOOoooooooo... Solo 55%, Vader 45%.
SEMI-FINALS LOSERS:
The debate between the merits of “hokey religions and ancient weapons” versus “a good blaster at your side” is settled once and for all. Solo 58%, Kenobi 42%.
He may be the highlight of “Episode I,” but being the best of the worst isn’t enough to get you to the final. Vader 92%, Maul, 8%.
ROUND 3 LOSERS:
Han upsets Luke 53%% to 47%. Now Skywalker has plenty of time to head over to Toshi Station and pick up those power converters.
“Do. Or do not. There is no try.” Guess the little guy chose “do not.” Yoda falls to Obi-Wan 54% to 46%
It wasn’t even close. Vader blows Fett out of the sky 87% to 13%. “All too easy,” indeed.
Shady politics and power grabs will only get you so far against a two-bladed lightsaber. The senator slips in the polls to Maul, 57% to 43%.
ROUND 2 LOSERS:
“A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, never for attack.” Yoda should have stepped up the offense. He loses to Luke 58% to 42%.
Leia loses to that laser brain, Han?! She was too good for him anyway. 77% to 23%
She may be a leader and a fighter, but it’s hard to compete with a little green guy who flips around with a lightsaber. Yoda is victorious over Padme 75% to 25%.
The Council has spoken. Windu is outmastered by Obi-Wan 74% to 26%.
“All too easy.” Jabba barely shows up before Vader rolls him back to Tatooine 93% to 7%. So much for our Cinderella story.
A blaster is no match for the Force. Too bad Fett also brought a flamethrower, jet pack, rocket launcher ... Palpatine is snuffed out 54% to 46%.
In the battle of the titles, a senator will always out-evil a count. Dooku falls to Palpatine 58% to 42%.
In a battle of the Darths, two lightsabers are apparently better than one. Vader gets Mauled 61% to 39%.
ROUND 1 LOSERS:
Lando is a lover, not a fighter. Luke brought home the easy win, 86% to 14%.
“Judge me by size, do you? That is why you fail.” Chewie falls to the muppet 52% to 48%.
Artoo was holding his own but Threepio lost the battle when he kept translating their strategy out loud. Closer than we thought at 52% to 48%.
“Strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.” But not powerful enough. Han flies by Obi-wan with the easy win 76% to 24%.
Oh, thank the Force - Jar Jar loses 92% to 8%. George Lucas must have used 8 different browsers to vote.
Lack of genetic diversity did them in -- Padme moves on 54% to 46%.
Do you really expect a couple of droids to take out a Jedi Master? Mace wraps this up easily 57% to 43%.
Anakin succumbed to Obi-Wan's reach advantage 88% to 12%. Yippee!
The sand people may come back with greater numbers, but Vader marches on 96% to 4%.
“Evacuate? In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances.” Famous last words. Tarkin is upset by Jabba 63% to 37%.
Stormtroopers can’t shoot the broad side of a barn -- or an old man sitting in a chair. The Emperor wins handily, 65% to 35%
Who shot first?, It doesn’t matter because Fett doesn’t miss. Greedo is crushed 90% to 10%.
Nute brought a speech to a light saber fight. The senator moves on 89% to 11%.
Fett can't get through on name recognition alone. Dooku bests Jango 51% to 49%.
Grievous didn’t stand a chance against the Chosen One, falling 59% to 41%.
These really weren’t the droids you were looking for. Darth Maul advances 90% to 10%.
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