Q Does that uniform come in a skirt?
A Kind of funny. It doesn’t, but I think it should. Can I tell you the struggle women have taking off all this stuff to use the restroom? I was going to [redesign] the back to have a Velcro flap or something. I picture I’d be running down the street with my you-know-what hanging out [laughter]. There are some departments where the women wear skirts, but it’s just not practical. First of all, we’d freeze in this climate. It’s June, and it’s still winter! And you know, some of us have good knees; some of us don’t. And we don’t want to distract people, either — although when I was a young officer that was very beneficial. I could get somebody in the back of my car really quickly by saying, “Hey, come here a minute.” Whatever works.
Q Are the sidewalks in front of the Grand Hotel public or private?
A [Laughter] Most sidewalks are public.
Q The Yankees shooed me off those sidewalks.
A [Continued laughter] They better check the law.
Q When was your last speeding ticket?
A I never had a speeding ticket. Never had one. YOU’RE SURPRISED BY THAT! And it’s not that I was pulled over and somebody let me off.
Q So when did you last break the law by speeding?
A Probably my answer is the same as yours. I do try to be cognizant of my speed.
Q Ever flipped off another motorist?
A Oh yes, absolutely. Not on a daily basis; certainly not since I’ve been chief, because I’m too recognizable these days. I can get angry. I do try to take some deep breaths, but boy I get angry when people are multi-tasking when driving. Some people are shaving. EATING CEREAL WITH BOTH HANDS! READING THE PAPER with both hands! I’ve pulled people over for that. I’ve rolled down my window and said, “Are you trying to die today? Please pull over and finish your shaving.” I generally don’t give out tickets anymore. I use it as PR wake-up call. I think people need to wake up: “Do you realize you are in a deadly machine that can kill somebody, and you are taking it so lighting that you are SHAVING WITH BOTH HANDS?!”
Poll: Which of the Ordway’s 2014-15 theater shows do you most want to see?