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Carolyn Hax

Columnist | Relationships
Carolyn Hax is a 40-something repatriated New Englander with a liberal arts degree and a lot of opinions and that's about it, really, when you get right down to it. Oh, and the shoes. A lot of shoes. Her column, "Tell Me About It," appears Sunday, Wednesday and Friday.
Recent content from Carolyn Hax

Hax: Way too nosy about niece's face

Carolyn Hax is away. In her absence, we are running columns from her archive.Dear Carolyn: My 13-year-old niece is tiny and has a big nose.…

Hax: New parents find misery in their home

Carolyn Hax is away. In her absence, we are running columns from her archive.Dear Carolyn: Please help; I’m desperate. My husband and I are parents…

Carolyn Hax: Mom should help daughter recognize patterns of abuse

Carolyn Hax is away. In her absence, we are running columns from her archive.Dear Carolyn: Is there any way (other than videotaping their…

Carolyn Hax: Mom should protect child from bullying grandma

Carolyn Hax is away. In her absence, we are running columns from her archive.   Dear Carolyn: How can I help my daughter,…

Carolyn Hax: Pregnant widow should prepare to calm fears

Carolyn Hax is away. In her absence, we are running columns from her archive.Dear Carolyn: My husband died unexpectedly at age 33, just…

Carolyn Hax: Mother, son share controlling nature

Carolyn Hax is away. In her absence, we are running columns from her archive.Dear Carolyn: This year I will be spending all of…

Carolyn Hax: Wife doesn't want to visit negative mother-in-law

Carolyn Hax is away. In her absence, we are running columns from her archive.Dear Carolyn: I have been happily married for three…

Carolyn Hax: Insecure mom pits siblings against each other

Carolyn Hax is away. In her absence, we are running columns from her archive.Dear Carolyn: Our 60-year-old mom has five grown children,…

Hax: 'Girls' trip' hits a big bump in the road

Dear Carolyn: I recently traveled with a woman who has been one of my best friends for eight years. On the trip, we barely spoke…

Hax: Mom wants to holler over teenagers' squalor

Dear Carolyn: My husband and I disagree, and I hope you can be the tiebreaker. I have two teenagers, ages 15 and 17. All their…

Hax: Get away from abusive fiancée immediately

Dear Carolyn: My fiancée becomes abusive with me and has not been able to control her anger. She says she has the right to hit…

Hax: Family gathering should be dogless

Dear Carolyn: Three generations of family (18 people) have rented a large house for vacation. Two of the couples want to bring dogs, but one…

Hax: Those wedding-bell destination blues

Dear Carolyn: Loved your advice to just say no to a destination wedding. That may work with a friend, but how about a sibling? We’re…

Hax: Alcoholic dad, needy pal causing stress

Dear Carolyn: My dad just went into treatment for alcoholism. I live far from home and have been asked to write a letter to him…

Hax: Daughter doesn't need parental snooping

Dear Carolyn: I am concerned about one of our children, a college student. We tried to raise her with good values and a moral code.…

Hax: Boyfriend is acting like a mind reader

Dear Carolyn: What if you’re in a mutually agreed upon, sexually monogamous relationship and you’re not pressuring for a commitment like moving in, engagement, marriage…

Hax: Newlywed in his 60s has his doubts

Dear Carolyn: My wife and I are newlyweds in our 60s. This is my second marriage. My first wife died after 20-plus years together. I…

Hax: Abusive sister is about to become a mom

Dear Carolyn: I have an older sister who was incredibly abusive toward me as a child. She was controlling, manipulative, the works.She and her husband…

Hax: Be honest to determine compatibility

Dear Carolyn: How do I help my newish boyfriend come to terms with the fact that when I say I need regular alone time, I…

Hax: Husband uses 'Mom money' for gambling

Dear Carolyn: Do I have a right to be upset by my mother-in-law’s monetary gifts?Occasionally, my mother-in-law will send my husband a check, made out…

Hax: Stepmom bristles over husband's ex being in the picture

Dear Carolyn: My husband has a child by his ex-girlfriend. They were never married. Six years later he met me and now we are married.…

Hax: Bride-to-be not taking no for an answer

Dear Carolyn: My friend is having a destination wedding — by which I mean many, many, many hours in the air. We have small children,…

Hax: Grandpa favors one child over the other

Dear Carolyn: My husband and I have been together for three years. I came into the relationship with a 2-year-old son. My husband’s family has…

Hax: Wife's hidden issues need to be addressed

Dear Carolyn: When I married my husband, I knew we both had pieces of ourselves under lock and key. I used to be a staunch…

Hax: To keep the peace, keep the secret

Dear Carolyn: I recently found out my sister-in-law has purchased a vacation home in Florida … without telling my brother. She wants it to be…

Hax: Boyfriend's female friend is a third wheel

Dear Carolyn: I am in a very happy relationship with a great guy. We have been together a few years now but there is one…

Hax: Readers tackle gun safety, offensive music

While I’m away, readers give the advice.   On securing guns I accidentally shot myself in the leg as a 12-year-old — after engaging in…

Hax: More from readers' experiences

While I’m away, readers give the advice. On jockeying wedding dates, venues, baby names I’m a single 44-year-old woman and am horrified by bridezillas and…

Hax: Readers discuss parenting, weight loss

While I’m away, readers give the advice.On frenzied parenthoodA lot of us feel that. Be sure the kids are doing the extracurriculars they truly enjoy,…

Hax: Grandchild-to-be sparks some jealousy

Dear Carolyn: I have a problem I am not proud of. My daughter is pregnant, and so far everything in her pregnancy is routine. When…

Hax: Adoption plans meet a meddling mother-in-law

Dear Carolyn: My husband and I are in our late 20s and have decided to start a family through adoption. A childhood illness left me…

Hax: Dad feels excluded from kids' activities

Dear Carolyn: I have the privilege of being a stay-at-home mom to our 6-year-old twins. My husband works full time and is out of town…

Hax: Bride blurts out wrong name on wedding night

Dear Carolyn: My honeymoon and marriage are in tatters because of two words I said on my wedding night. A few years ago, I was…

Hax: Classmates shun outgoing 10-year-old

Dear Carolyn: My 10-year-old daughter has a very lively and kind spirit. She isn’t afraid to ask her classmates to play with her or if…

Hax: Mother is mum about paternity

Dear Carolyn: My mother says she will not tell me who my father is and will take the secret to the grave with her. Is…

Hax: Poor sportsmanship is the exception, not the rule

Dear Carolyn: This past weekend we (grandparents) were witness to two of the most appalling examples of poor sportsmanship and lack of self-control in recent…

Hax: Dueling weddings present dilemma

Dear Carolyn: My daughter was just officially engaged. It wasn’t a total surprise, but she’s so happy nonetheless. She had a venue in mind and…

Hax: They're separate, but maybe not equal

Dear Carolyn: My boyfriend and I have been dating nine months, long-distance. We met in college seven years ago and just recently reconnected last year.…

Hax: Good listener is at a loss for words

Dear Carolyn: I’m a 33-year-old widowed guy, a good listener, patient, and I empathize well. Recently, I have become a magnet for female friends with…

Hax: Offer special time for sensitive 10-year-old

Dear Carolyn: My husband and I will welcome our first child together in October. He also has two daughters: a 10-year-old from a past relationship,…

Hax: He's not fit enough to fit her desires

Dear Carolyn: For almost a decade now, I have been close friends with an incredibly kind, compassionate, sweet, and altogether special man. We have been…

Hax: July 4th wedding produces some fireworks

Dear Carolyn: I am a bridesmaid in my cousin’s wedding on July 4th. Because of the date, save-the-date cards were mailed out a year and…

Hax: Up in arms over greeting cards

Dear Carolyn: My son knows that a card says a lot. Last year, my Mother’s Day card was just basic from my son, grandkids and…

Hax: Siblings won't visit mom with Alzheimer's

Dear Carolyn: My mom has Alzheimer’s and lives in an assisted-living facility. I have siblings who never go to see her, and they claim she…

Hax: Is his girlfriend's ex just a friend?

Dear Carolyn: I’ve been dating a woman steadily for four months. Late last year, she dated another man for about six weeks, and they were…

Hax: To handle difficult father-in-law, set priorities

Dear Carolyn: My father-in-law is a classic jerk; he neglected and abused my husband throughout his childhood and teen years. By abuse I mean clobbering…

Hax: You feel caught in the middle: So?

Dear Carolyn: Two close friends of mine have decided they want to explore a relationship together. Great! The problem? One was in a relationship and…

Hax: On Graduation Day, focus on the positives

Dear Carolyn: My daughter graduates from high school in June, and I informed our family of the date this past September.My stepmother called a couple…

Hax: Grave expectations often unwarranted

Dear Carolyn: How can I approach lunch with my self-absorbed sister who is visiting from out of town when I am in the midst of…

Hax: She says he's an ogler, but he denies it

Dear Carolyn: After two years of dating and now nearly two years of living together, my boyfriend can’t seem to stop ogling women. Almost from…

Hax: Time to address this marriage's underpinnings

Dear Carolyn: My husband and I have recently started saving for a home, which means clamping down on our budget. I suggested we set a…

Hax: Callous remark demands an apology

Dear Carolyn: My 13-year-old niece is tiny and has a big nose. We live in a community where a lot of teenage girls have cosmetic…

Hax: Daughter's marital strain presents a dilemma

Dear Carolyn: My married daughter, with two young daughters of her own, has decided to file for a separation. I felt from the beginning that…

Hax: Nieces, nephews present a gift quandary

Dear Carolyn: My sister has four school-age children, and my nieces and nephews have, quite frankly, had to do without.My oldest niece (who is on…

Hax: Give sister-in-law the benefit of doubt

Dear Carolyn: Last summer, my sister-in-law cheated on my brother. It was a months-long affair that continued even after my brother found out about it,…

Hax: Talk to sister about callous remark

Dear Carolyn: Two weeks ago, my sister and brother-in-law said some horrible things about childless people — apparently forgetting that my husband and I, who…

Hax: With much to lose, it's decision time

Dear Carolyn: My boyfriend and I, both 30, have been dating for five years. We are from different countries, and currently live in a country…

Hax: Why some women keep their married name

Dear Carolyn: When a woman marries a man, it is usually love. If she decides to take his last name as her unhyphenated surname, has…

Hax: Expectant friend bothers bride-to-be

Dear Carolyn: I’m getting married in seven months and my best friend just told me she is pregnant with her second child and can’t come…

Hax: Marriage proposal not forthcoming

Dear Carolyn: My boyfriend and I, turning 30 and 28 soon, have been together for almost five years and living together for four. We have…

Hax: Reply to rudeness with a simple 'No'

Dear Carolyn: I invited a friend and her family (husband and two children) to vacation with us at my parents’ home this summer. My parents…

Hax: An odd method to choose new husband

Dear Carolyn: I am considering getting remarried three years after an awful divorce. I had young twins, now 5. The man I’m with has a…

Hax: In sibling standoff, silence is not golden

Dear Carolyn: My relationship with my brother and his wife has in later years become one where I drove the several hours to their home,…

Hax: One-upmanship is bringing her down

Dear Carolyn: I have been friends with my best friend for over 10 years. She was recently the maid of honor at my wedding. Ever…

Hax: Family's culture complicates upcoming wedding

Dear Carolyn: Long story short, my Indian parents (and by extension my sibs) do not like my significant other because he is a white, non-college-educated…

Hax: Fortysomething ponders a new name

Dear Carolyn: I’m in my 40s and heading to graduate school for a completely different career. I’ve always hated my first name — it sounds…

Hax: Keep the door open for rap-loving son

Dear Carolyn: My teenage son loves rap music. I feel deeply uncomfortable with the misogyny, aggression in the service of revenge and basic crassness of…

Hax: Amid grief, life and weddings go on

Dear Carolyn: My fiancé and I have planned our wedding for May 2. My mother passed away from cancer in June of last year, and…

Hax: Still more wisdom from readers

While I’m away, readers give the advice.On children who are anxious about being home alone:Children have different personalities, some are ready to take on responsibility…

Hax: A troubled twosome, and baby makes three

Dear Carolyn: I have a young baby, 4 months old. I also have a wife. I expressed to my wife recently that I might take…

Hax: Parents learned from Army-bound daughter

While I’m away, readers give the advice.Dear Carolyn: When our daughter began to explore enlisting in the Army, it came as a total surprise, and…

Hax: Try to see "loans” as safety net for sibs

Dear Carolyn: My 88-year-old father recently informed me that he’s decided to change his will. I have four sisters and brothers, and three have taken…

Hax: Son's plan to join Marines a concern

Dear Carolyn: My 20-year-old son wants to enlist in the Marines. He is a very smart kid who was accepted to several good colleges and…

Hax: Weight gain is only part of the problem

Dear Carolyn: My girlfriend of two years could stand to lose about 20 pounds, which would result in increased energy (she spends a lot of…

Hax: Bromance gets in the way of romance

Dear Carolyn: I’m a forty-something woman living with a thirty-something man. I wanted to be engaged first, but he wasn’t ready and insisted this was…
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