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Harvey Mackay: Keeping things civilized allows you to always have an edge
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Rudeness rules the headlines these days, and we can't escape it no matter where we go. Crudeness is the norm rather than the exception. Can we even call ourselves a civilized society anymore?
From the halls of Congress to the tennis world to TV talk shows to music awards -- what are these people thinking? That no one will notice? That they are exempt from the rules? That their behavior won't have a profound effect on their futures?
I would refer these offenders to a Disney movie. Bambi's little friend Thumper could teach them a lesson: "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all." Knowing that few of us would take Thumper's advice literally, I'll rephrase: If you can't say something nicely, don't say anything at all.
There is always a dignified way to get your point across, and you won't end up having to apologize or explain. People actually listen to reasoned arguments. They don't give much credence to hotheads.
We all know how damaging and hurtful an outburst can be in our personal lives, but in a business setting, a lapse in judgment can translate to a collapse in business. Word travels fast, and your reputation is at stake. Your future is at stake.
Practice self-control at every opportunity. You may not have much control over a situation, but you can control how you respond to it.
A Carnegie Foundation study once found that only 15 percent of a businessperson's success could be attributed to job knowledge and technical skills -- considered an essential element but overall, a small contribution. A whopping 85 percent could be determined by "attitude" and the "ability to deal with people."
The lesson for anyone wanting to get ahead and still get a point across is that self-control and consideration are critical ingredients that supersede even a superior product or top knowledge. The "scorekeepers" in business are not so different from the line judges and umpires in tennis; you will lose points if you lose control.
"No one characteristic will help one to advance, whether in business or society, as politeness," said B.C. Forbes, founder of Forbes Magazine. "Competition is so keen today, there is so much standardized merchandise, there are so many places where one's wants can be satisfied, that the success or failure of a business can depend on the ability to please customers or clients. Courtesy -- another name for politeness -- costs nothing, but can gain much both for an individual and for an organization." Forbes said that more than 50 years ago. Some things never change.
It is perfectly acceptable -- even occasionally necessary -- to disagree with those around you. But you needn't be disagreeable. It's OK to make waves; it isn't necessary to drown the other person. Lose your cool, lose your temper, lose control, and you'll find you are the one who's all wet.
Mackay's Moral: Giving someone a piece of your mind rarely gives you peace of mind.
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