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Clara Barton never held on to resentment. And you?
You can choose to spend your life getting even, but then you never really get ahead.
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Clara Barton, the nurse who founded the American Red Cross in 1881, made it a rule never to hold onto resentment.
A friend once reminded her of a cruel incident some years previously, but Barton seemed not to recall it.
"Don't you remember the wrong that was done to you?" the friend asked.
"No," Barton answered calmly. "I distinctly remember forgetting that."
You'll never get ahead of anyone with whom you are trying to get even. Even if you do get even, you've lowered yourself to that person's level.
A business friend gave me some advice on how to handle forgiveness. She suggested making a list of the grudges, anger and pain that weigh you down. Commit to releasing it once and for all. Take three deep breaths and ask for peace. Then burn the list. And smile. You've just lightened your load.
As Ralph Waldo Emerson said: "For every minute you remain angry, you give up 60 seconds of peace of mind."
Forgiveness is the key to healing all relationships and leads to happiness. You'll be grateful for the experience of forgiving someone. It ultimately makes you stronger.
I don't think anyone can escape life without experiencing hurt from another person.
Everyone -- and I mean everyone -- messes up, hurts others, finds fault, misjudges and acts emotionally and improperly from time to time at the expense of others. Recognizing this, I'll overlook an honest misunderstanding in the office, the vendor who blunders over prices and the occasional dumb mistake. I know my character will strengthen when I have to work hard to forgive the deal makers who tried to cut me out, the bankers who wouldn't lend me money during tough times and the sales rep who left me for a sweeter deal and then begged to return.
And when the day is done, and I can't forgive them, I forget them.
These days, many people harbor hard feelings toward companies that laid them off or cut their pay, reduced their hours or otherwise interrupted their careers and lives.
How can you get past the anger and the bad feelings? Forgiveness. Forgive the company for falling on hard times and making tough choices, even if you disagree with them. Forgive the people who kept their jobs when you lost yours. Forgive the people who piled on extra work. Focus instead on how you can help get the company functioning at its best. Forgive yourself for being in whatever position you find yourself. Accept that some things are just not in your control. And then forget it -- but not the lessons learned.
Grudges are a heavy load, pulling your energy down. Forgiveness is how you free yourself, release your anger, move forward and lighten up.
Forgiving what happened in the past allows you to focus on the future, which is the only place you have to go.
Mackay's moral: It is far better to forgive and forget than to resent and remember.
Harvey Mackay is a Minneapolis businessman and author. Contact him at 612-378-6202 or send e-mail to harvey@mackay.com. His column is distributed by United Feature Syndicate.
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