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Clearance Clarence: Tackling the Target Field urinal situation

Posted by: Michael Rand under Target Field Updated: April 20, 2010 - 11:25 AM

Commenter Clarence Swamptown is back with his increasingly popular feature "Clearance Clarence," which is basically an unfiltered plunge into his soul. It's a terrifying place, but there are sweet rewards. This week, his greatest contribution is tackling a developing Target Field men's bathroom urinal situation head-on and leading male fans to sweet relief. As usual, the opinions expressed on Clearance Clarence don't necessarily represent those of RandBall or the Star Tribune. Clarence?

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 *According to this Star Tribune article, the men’s restroom lines at Target Field have been much longer than the women’s restroom lines. The article claims this is because “…guys just congregated near the food stands on the first-base side of the main concourse. They tended to other business there, as well, rather than seek out lesser-used restrooms."

I disagree with the article’s theory. Our seats at Target Field are along the first base line, and I have used the restroom in question. The problem is not over-crowding, the problem is under-utilization of the urinals available. Please refer to my bathroom diagram below (not to scale):

The men’s restroom is shaped like a “U”.  Most of the guys waiting in line do not realize that there are urinals in the back, so they clog the line while waiting for a front urinal to open up.  That is the problem.  Maybe they need to add a big sign that directs people to the urinals in the back.  Or maybe they could charge $5 to use the spruce trees in center field (sell it as the “Northwoods Package” or such).   Either way, hopefully some of these problems will be improved once people become more familiar with Target Field.

 
*Country & Western Song of the WeekC’mon C’mon by The Von Bondies. 
 
*If you are burned out on Target Field coverage, I have confirmed with two separate highly-placed sources that something called “The Postseason” in underway in the NHL and NBA.  Apparently the top 8 teams in each conference are participating in a series of “Play Offs” to determine the best team in each league.  My sources tell me that this phenomenon does not end until June(!) and they assure me that Minnesota teams have participated in the past.  I think frequent RandBall commenter rocket30 has been subtly alluding to the NHL postseason, but his words are so coded it is difficult to tell.  Any other insider information you RandBallers have on this NBA and NHL “Play Off” concept is appreciated. 
 
Your thoughts on the NHL and NBA playoffs, and any suggestions on how to improve Target Field, are welcome in the comments.
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