Sometimes it's hard, unless maybe you're in Burgundy, to know exactly what pinot noir is supposed to taste like. On these shores, we've seen syrah-infused jam-o-rama iterations as well as the alternately softer and harsher renditions that, I guess for lack of a better word, are called "Burgundian." And most everything in between.

It's not quite as difficult to know what pinot noir doesn't or shouldn't taste like, or whether a wine labeled that way doesn't taste anything like pinot noir. The short answer, for now, is Red Bicyclette. This account hardly comes as a surprise to those of us who've had friends inquire why Red Bicyclette "pinot noir" had few of the characteristics of any other versions of that varietal.

Not to mention anyone who wondered how even the admittedly vast Languedoc region could turn out so much pinot, especially since the conditions there are hardly suited to the grape in question. (I got some dark cherry that was more reminiscent of grenache than pinot when I last sampled this wine, but couldn't swear on a stack of Bibles that it wasn't pinot noir.)

As usual in big-money scandals, the scofflaws are getting off way too easy. The fines and "sentences" are a joke, although one of the main perps, E&J Gallo, has yet to be sanctioned. Don't hold your breath for the Feds here to body-slam this giant conglomerate.

But we as wine consumers can do something about it with a more powerful weapon: our pocketbooks. Boycotting anything with "E&J Gallo" on the label is a start. Whether company officials "knew" they were selling a fraudulent product or not, there's no way that a pipeline producing that much "pinot noir" in a hot climate passes any kind of smell test.