YOUR GUIDE TO THE TWIN CITIES
Friday February 10, 2012
Michael Rand started RandBall with hopes that he could keep lies from conquering the minds of the weak. So far, he's only succeeded in using the word "redacted" a lot. He welcomes suggestions, news tips, links of pure genius, and pictures of pets in Halloween costumes here, though he already knows he will regret that last part.
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Clearance Clarence: On the Super Bowl, Phil Cuzzi and being The Man
Posted by: Michael Rand under Twins fans Updated: February 9, 2010 - 12:29 PM
Commenter Clarence Swamptown is back with his increasingly popular feature "Clearance Clarence," which is basically an unfiltered plunge into his soul. It's a terrifying place, but there are sweet rewards. This week, is all over the truth map. As usual, the opinions expressed on Clearance Clarence don't necessarily represent those of RandBall or the Star Tribune. Clarence?
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*I did not watch a lot of the Super Bowl. If my ex-girlfriend were getting married to some jerk, I would not go to the reception. But I did watch most of The Who’s halftime performance. I enjoy classic rock but I have never been a big fan of The Who. I think they did alright. Their stage was cool. I will say that there is something odd about watching old men perform anti-establishment songs. You cannot “fight The Man” when you are The Man. If you are over 50 years old you are automatically The Man. There are no exceptions. Last week my dad called my daughter’s iPod a “Walkman." He said, “Hey, your Walkman is going to fall out of your pocket.” My daughter had no idea what he was talking about. Pete Townsend and my dad are the same age.
*At what age does a person stop being avant-garde and start being The Man? I am 34. I do not have any real control over anyone. Am I The Man? RandBall, Stu, Fasolamatt, and the other mature RandBallers might be The Man because they act responsibly and take a logical and levelheaded approach to sports and life. They are adults, so they are probably The Man. Last night I was kicked out of beer-league hockey game because I told the referee to “go {redacted} a {redacted} and then go {redacted} yourself in the {redacted} just like your mother.” I am probably not The Man because I am a child.
*Country and Western Song of the Week: “Hard Luck Woman” by KISS. Yep. This song makes me want to soak a tennis ball in gasoline, light it on fire, and play fireball street hockey with my elementary school buddies. We were idiots.
*I am curious what kind of harassment Phil Cuzzi will receive in his first visit to Target Field. Will we forgive and forget? Will he get hit in the head with a whiskey bottle? I am hoping for something in the middle.
*According to Nick Cafardo at the Boston Globe, in 2010 the Minnesota Twins will have a higher payroll than the Los Angeles Dodgers. That seems improbable, but the numbers are true. The Twins’ 2010 payroll is currently projected to be $95,852,000. The best numbers I could find say that the Dodgers’ projected 2010 payroll is currently at $95,680,000.
*No Clearance Clarence next week. I will be on the 6th Annual Western Wisconsin Bar Tour (aka WW6) with a bunch of friends. The rules of WW6 are simple: We start in Hudson and finish in Siren. We stop at 1 bar per town and have 1 drink per bar. The sober driver’s name is picked out of a hat at the first bar. The sober driver announcement ceremony is more exciting than the NBA draft lottery.
Your thoughts on The Man, fireball street hockey, Phil Cuzzi, and the Twins’ payroll are welcome in the comments.
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