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TFD: Reader Bruce offers top 10 Mauer contract requirements
We're not sure what it is -- maybe the holiday spirit? -- but we've been overwhelmed with commenter entries this week. Why not close out the day (and make a bridge to Friday, since there will be no posts on Thanksgiving) with a 2-for-1:
Reader Ben offers that image you see, with these words via e-mail: Long-time reader, first-time random Photoshop contributor. I'm ashamed that I didn't get this idea before tonight, but perhaps the best way to wrap up the baseball awards season is with a little Keizo Konishi-themed historical photo treatment. If nothing else it made me giggle; hopefully you do too.
Giggling indeed, sir. Like a schoolgirl.
In a nice companion piece from Bruce -- it's like they're sharing a mind. ARE BRUCE AND BEN REALLY THE SAME PERSON? WHO HAS EVER SEEN THEM IN THE SAME ROOM AT THE SAME TIME? -- here are the top 10 contract demands from Joe Mauer now that he's won AL MVP.
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10. Any written mention of “M&m boys” must consist of one lower case “m” to denote justin morneau.
9. At every home game, must be met at his car by Jerry Bell, Howard Fox, Bill Smith and Dave St. Peter and carried Cleopatra-like into Target Field.
8. Opposing fielders must say “one mvp, two mvp, three mvp” prior to moving in any direction in an attempt to field a ball put into play by Mr. Mauer.
7. Ten bucks added to bi-weekly payroll every time Gardy says “…and we’ll go from there”
6. Umpires must inquire of Mr. Mauer regarding his opinion as to whether the immediately preceding pitch did indeed cross into the strike zone prior to signaling strike or ball. Said requirement is optional during play in which Mr. Mauer is neither catcher nor batter, or a game in which the Minnesota Baseball Club (nor any future Yankee Baseball Clubs for which Mr. Mauer may play) is not participating.
5. Searchlight added to top of hitting and catching helmets that projects letters “MVP” onto clouds on overcast nights
4. Bud Selig must, at his own expense, fly in and host weekly gala luncheon for all mlb catchers that have won batting titles (no descendants, please).
3. In any situation likely requiring him to slide, Nick Punto must belly-slide immediately under Mr. Mauer to reduce possibility of injury.
2. Opposing players stealing second must run laterally so as never to show their back to Mr. Mauer and repeatedly bow during their attempt.
1. Two words: Sideburn insurance.
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Nicely done, both of you. Bruce's list was intended for Page 2, but we're still trying to figure out how to fit it in there. For now, he'll have to be content to be an Internet star.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Go gorge yourself and watch football. We'll be back Friday.
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