Dear Amy: A work friend was getting married, and she decided to have her wedding in Las Vegas. I was not able to attend, but I made her bridal veil and participated in a group gift from work friends.
Afterward, she sent a group e-mail at work, thanking all of her "true friends" that "bothered to come to the wedding." I received no thank-you for making the veil.
I am hurt and feel like confronting her, but I'm not sure what to do.
Amy says: You are right, and the bride is wrong; wedding etiquette (and general decency) states that the bride and groom should send a thank-you note for any gift they receive. That includes a veil.
However, I don't think you should hold your breath for a thank-you. In terms of confronting her, you may have to stand in line behind other colleagues who want to react to her rudeness.
Her choice to passive-aggressively e-mail her co-workers (presumably through a work e-mail system) about an out-of-town nonwork event is a poor one, and could end up damaging her.
Think about it: you considered her a friend and you would like to confront her about her behavior. Imagine how other office folks felt receiving this e-mail — some of whom may control her daily workload. Or people who did come to her wedding, who have now been roped into an e-mail argument they wanted no part of. Perhaps your HR representative saw this e-mail, and would like to give this no-longer-blushing-bride a gentle reminder about your office code of conduct.
I get that you're hurt, but don't make the same mistake your co-worker has made and play this out at work. Instead, downgrade this relationship status from "work friendship" to "civil co-worker," and remember this feeling: use it as a reminder to express your thanks, in writing, quickly and appropriately.
Breakup a mistake
Dear Amy: A couple months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of two years for someone else. I now see this as the biggest mistake of my life.
How do I convince my hesitant ex that we're still meant to be together?
Amy says: First, I sincerely hope that you have apologized for the way you treated the man you dumped for someone else. If not, saying sorry is an important first step. A letter (or e-mail) is a good way to do this. Keep it simple: Express your sorrow and regret over your behavior, and tell him you hope he can find it in his heart to forgive you. Tell him you miss him, and ask if he would be willing to meet for coffee. Write it out, read it several times and wait a couple of days before sending.
Put yourself in his shoes: he got dumped and he has tried to move on, which can be a very difficult process. Just when he thinks he is moving forward, here you come, strolling down apology lane, claiming you've made a mistake. While you are convinced that the two of you are meant to be together, your ex may disagree.
If you are serious about trying to revive your relationship, then you will need to be respectful of his feelings and move at his pace. Leaving him for someone else is a serious breach of trust, and your hesitant ex may not feel like he can ever trust you again. Give him time to consider your apology.
Equally important, you need to fully accept the fact that you may never win him back. If he decided he doesn't want to get together, you must accept that and respect his wishes. Wondering and worrying is the price you will pay for your own behavior.
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