Dear Amy: I’m a woman in my 30s, and happily single. I’m on the younger side in my family, so by the time my milestones hit (turning 21 and 30, college graduations, etc.) they were not “new” events.
While I would like to get married and possibly have children someday, that may just not be in the cards. I find myself constantly celebrating members of my family and spending money on weddings and children’s birthday gifts, but when it is something that is important to me, it gets overlooked or downplayed.
I have invited family members well in advance to events important to me (getting rebaptized, for instance) and they all said they’d attend, but backed out for things such as brunch with the grandkids — or they just don’t show up.
I’m still here, and I have feelings, too!
Amy says: I completely agree with you that more “traditional” life celebrations leave out singletons. That does not explain your own family’s lack of attention toward your graduation and baptism, however. I wonder if you have a family member (a parent, perhaps) who could advocate for you. If your own parents are the root of this problem, then you should make your expectations clear — and express your disappointment when they let you down.
I like the idea of singletons finding big and celebratory ways to mark important life events. Perhaps you have a group of friends who can support you in throwing a “singleton shower,” where you send out “save the date” cards and come together in a spirit of celebration to play games, trade stories and in general celebrate your own lives and life choices.
Pull plug on toxic relationship
Dear Amy: I met a man last summer in the U.S. Unfortunately, when summer ended, I went back to my home country.
He spent nine months convincing me that he wanted to be with me and that he loves me. This summer I traveled back to be with him, but things didn’t go as expected. We worked together daily, but we saw each other only about 10 times outside of work. We fought a lot over his jealousy. I love him, but I don’t know what to do.
Amy says: You returned to the U.S. to test this relationship, and it was tested. You didn’t fail, but the relationship did.
I hope you don’t really love someone who manipulated you into traveling across the world to be with him, and then rejected you when you did. If he wanted to be with you, he would have moved heaven and earth to see you more than 10 times over the course of the summer.
Jealousy is not love. Jealousy is not even “like.” Jealousy is the reaction of an insecure person who wants to control you. It is a hallmark of a toxic relationship. You should maintain your distance from this man. There are better people out there, probably much closer to home.
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