Dear Amy: A dear friend of mine has agreed to marry who she believes is the man of her dreams.
She is a 31-year-old Christian who has lived in a small town all her life; he lives 90 minutes away in the city. They see each other only every other weekend.
I thought he seemed like a nice guy, but I also felt that something was “off.” Initially, I thought it appeared he was “forcing” his way into my friend’s life.
Recently, I ran into him in the jewelry store where he purchased her engagement ring. He was frustrated and somewhat irate when speaking with employees. What shocked me the most was when he commented on purchasing the warranty for a $300 ring. He made the cheeky comment “I guess you get what you pay for.” When he saw me, he told me he was having the ring “repaired” because the stone kept falling out.
My friend would be devastated if she found out how frugal this man is, and how little he spent on her ring.
Their wedding date is approaching, and I don’t know if I should share this encounter with her. It will be hard to let her marry a man who is claiming to be something he’s not. But I don’t know how she would take hearing this bad news from me. All I want is for her to be happy.
Amy says: You are not a true friend. You are a busybody. None of the behavior you cite is unusual. I’m not sure why you find it so alarming. When the fiancé saw you, he told you the truth about why he was in the store. This does not make him a cheap cheat, but a guy who bought a modestly priced ring who expects the stone to stay in place. I suggest you anchor to your friend’s happiness and keep your opinions to yourself.
Mom’s fall not their fault
Dear Amy: My brother and I were visiting our mother when she fell and broke her hip. We called the paramedics immediately. However, we were subjected to verbal abuse from nearby family members, who accused us of not watching her. (She was in the bathroom.) Mom is now in a nursing home, and it doesn’t look like she will ever come home.
Normally, we visit at Christmastime. Now we would rather not go at Christmas because we would rather not see the verbally abusive family members, who have not apologized. Any suggestions?
Amy says: As someone who has cared for (and about) elderly family members, I want you to know that a person can fall and break a hip virtually anywhere, and under almost any circumstance.
The wrong response would be for you and your brother to make choices because of what other family member might do, say or think. If you want to see your mother at Christmastime, then see her. Don’t tolerate name-calling, don’t be intimidated by invective and don’t expect an apology.
Send Ask Amy questions to Amy Dickinson at firstname.lastname@example.org. Twitter: @askingamy.