Dear Amy: I'm a young guy. I went to college in the same town I grew up in, so I lived at home through college. After graduating, I got a job away in the city where my best friend from high school lives. He suggested that we get an apartment together, and now we're roommates.

Everything has been fine, except for this: On a few occasions, I have caught him wearing my clothes, including my boxer shorts.

When I asked why he was wearing my underwear, he said he has been too busy to do laundry. He does work full time and is getting his graduate degree, but that is no excuse to wear my clothes (especially my underwear).

Is that normal? He laughs it off and says it is no big deal and that he and his roommates in college borrowed clothes if they fell behind on laundry.

I wouldn't want to wear another man's underwear, and don't want someone else wearing mine.

How do I tell him to stop? I'm not confrontational.

Amy says: "Borrowing" is using someone's belongings — with their permission.

"Taking" is helping yourself to another's belongings, because you feel like it. Your roommate is a taker.

Wearing your underwear raises the ante on the infraction. It doesn't matter if the guys in the dorm did this. Your roommate lives in the world now, and so do you. It is time for both of you to start taking care of yourselves.

Here's how your roommate can take care of himself: He should do his own laundry when it is soiled. He should wear his own clothes. He should respect adult boundaries, friendship boundaries and roommate boundaries.

His choice to laugh off his own behavior is juvenile. He's trying to gaslight you into believing that his behavior is OK. But it's not OK, because you don't like it.

Here's how you need to take care of yourself: Use your voice. When you don't like something, express yourself — plainly, firmly and respectfully. You say a version of, "Dude, no. Just no. Please don't do that anymore. I don't like it." This is not a confrontation, but a simple stating of your own needs. Friends and roommates must be honest and respectful.

Family wedding woes

Dear Amy: Our only son recently got married.

Many members of my husband's family came from far and wide.

Absent were my elderly (84) but healthy mother, and my two sisters, who live halfway across the country.

My mother's excuse was she's petrified of flying; she declined taking the train. My sisters each simply sent regrets.

This was a crushing blow for me, and I know my son and his bride were disappointed. I tried to reason with my mother, to no avail. A therapist I'd been seeing said in the end this would be a blip, and good memories of the wedding would take over.

Nine months later, I'm still deeply upset, and family relations have been cool.

I've finally decided to make a brief trip to see them. I've already had two very upsetting conversations with my mother and believe it is useless to rehash this. I just need to know how to get past it.

Amy says: It would have been great if your sisters had brought your mother to the wedding, but honestly, it's a stretch to expect an 84-year-old woman to board a train to cross the country alone.

Bring wedding photos to share when you see these family members. Be honest about your disappointment, but leave room for them to see things from your point of view. So far, you've pressured and put them on the defensive.

Understand that they missed more than you did. Give yourself the gift of forgiving them, and you will feel liberated.

Send Ask Amy questions to Amy Dickinson at P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068 or to askamy@amydickinson.com. Twitter: @askingamy Facebook: @ADickinsonDaily.