Forgive me, I don't watch much TV, so when I do, on the very rare occasion, I find myself either shaking my disillusioned head, imagining if the word entertainment has a new disgusting meaning, or, in less time than you think, I'm turning it off, which reminds me why I seldom turn it on. In my last little quest for something interesting to watch, I saw two companies trying to get us, or at least me, to buy something from a lizard or a duck, I really have to wonder. First off, I hate lizards, little creepy things that crawl around with slithering tongues, don't have, not, and never will do anything for me, and secondly I don't take advice from cartoons, I do eat a lot of duck, well as much as I can anyhow, but that's not gonna push me over the consuming edge. Kinda like, well you know those folks who get sold a car, instead of purchasing a vehicle, maybe those people are easily persuaded, and perhaps I'm not, but if you want to try and change my mind, or talk me into something, you better be at a minimum, real. It's been hot, and a buddy asked if some of us wanted to get together, one thing led to another, and we were looking for a late fall goose hunt. So the hunting show we were watching had a phone number and an email address to contact them if you were inclined to goose hunt in the show me state. In contacting the guy, first thing he says, send me a check, dates are filling fast, and I guarantee you geese in Missouri the days you come. I asked him three times for the best dates, and he says, any days during his season I will limit out, just send me a deposit, and you're locked in. I figured that was half an answer. My four shotgun slinging brothers got similar responses. I can't, "for sure a fish" on anybody's line, and most guides will tell you they will do everything they can, but 100 percent success is for dreamers with fence or pens, and how can he conjure up geese if they haven't migrated yet, or they've already flown the coop for warmer climes. I emailed back do you have any references from previous hunters, what did he recommend for lodging, and, did he have cold storage for the birds we'd harvest. His reply, he said he would give me all the names I wanted after he received my check, he'd book me a room, and birds were cleaned by his staff daily. Again, in my opinion, he wrangled his way, around my question without directly answering me. I felt like he was giving me some sort of cagey run around, his clever way of doing or giving me the business, because as we all know there's one born every minute, but I just don't think I'm one of them, so he's not getting our business. The trout whisperer

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