A father humbled and heartsick

Jeff Heimer of Blaine lives better than many these days. But he aches for his adult children, whose struggles seem to grow by the day.

By GAIL ROSENBLUM, Star Tribune

Last update: October 19, 2008 - 7:02 AM

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Jeff Heimer, 49, is the first to tell you that he's one lucky guy. He and his wife, Denise, in January moved into their dream house, a 1,700-square-foot, two-bedroom townhouse in Blaine featuring rich African sapele wood, top-of-the-line appliances and scenic views of the prairie from their windows. They have money in savings, good health insurance and reliable cars. Denise, 39, is working her way up the management chain in retail.

But Heimer is losing sleep. Not about his financial condition. About his kids'.

"We're fine," said Heimer, the father of three grown children from his first marriage. "What's really frustrating for a 49-year-old father and grandfather is that my kids couldn't even describe to you what the 'American Dream' is supposed to be. My daughter tells me, 'Dad, I can't afford orange juice.' They have no parachute, no credit. It's really hard to watch them struggle."

For many Americans, economic queasiness has little to do with their own situations. It's knowing all too well the problems of neighbors, friends, colleagues and -- often most painful -- family. "I have a little bit of guilt moving in here," Heimer said.

The story of his kids' lives, Heimer said, is the story of many 20-somethings today, especially those, like his children, without any higher education: "One step forward, two steps back."

A mail carrier for 24 years, Heimer talks frequently to young adults in their 20s and 30s on his route. Most still live at home, or have moved back. Few know what their next jobs will be beyond their current entry-level positions at the local coffee shop. And, yes, most of them do own cell phones and other modern gadgets they could probably do without. But "the lifestyle lived on TV" is a mighty powerful influence, he said.

"We're not rich by any means," said Heimer, the son of an Austin, Minn., meat cutter who later moved his family to Brooklyn Center. Only one of Heimer's four siblings attended college. "But at no point growing up did I think I wouldn't be able to get a house or the car I wanted," Heimer said, his voice full of emotion. "At no point."

His children's lives are vastly different. Heimer's oldest daughter, Jill, 29, has four children and works part time in retail. Full-time day care, her dad says, would be prohibitive. She and her partner, Joe, who is the father of two of the children, rent a modest four-bedroom townhouse in Waconia, but he got laid off from his job three weeks ago.

Jill's brother, Neal, 22, moved in with the couple and their children to help make ends meet on his job at an envelope factory. Heimer's other daughter, Jamie, 26, works at a day-care center and lives in a small apartment in downtown Minneapolis. She picks up baby-sitting jobs for extra cash. "It's all she can do just to maintain it," said Denise, who married Jeff 11 years ago and has helped the full-time dad raise his kids.

Those kids, Heimer said, have cut back everywhere they can. They don't buy beef. They fill up on macaroni and cheese. Their cars, he said, "are absolute junk. They've dipped into food shelves and urgent-care centers where they can pay as they go."

"Even if they make every right decision they can possibly make, I still see them struggle," said Heimer, whose own grocery bill has spiked about 15 percent over the past few months.

Heimer struggles, too, to figure out how much to help them financially. "You doin' OK on groceries?" he'll ask. "They really try to do it on their own to the best of their ability. We have certainly helped them out with some groceries from time to time, and even rent and bills. Sometimes, the money is handy, and sometimes we have to tap into savings to help. We want them to be OK through tough times."

Gail Rosenblum • 612-673-7350

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